I Can't

It's midnight in the Midwest and I'm sitting outside on my front step, drinking a White Claw and watching the lightning show to the west.  It's raining lightly, but the maple tree in my front yard provides some cover, but random raindrops keep falling on my head because when we replaced our roof over a decade ago we never did put the gutters back up.  I know I've mentioned this to the Huz at least 578 times but apparently it fell up on deaf ears.

Raindrops keep falling on my head.  I'm living a freaking B.J. Thomas song. This amuses me.

I hope I don't get electrocuted from typing on my laptop outside.  I only came out here because it's too hot in my house.

I'm anxious.  I can't stop shaking my leg.  I just want to do something.

I hate when I feel this way.  It's my own fault,  really.  I had a stressful week.  Work has been the busiest since before The Virus hit the States.  

Family drama has taken it's toll on The Huz and me.  

The kids are driving me crazy. 

I sat down on the couch this evening to read a book and fell asleep.  I was jolted awake two hours later by my boys fighting over who's turn it is to play Xbox.  I may have even shouted, "I'm going to blow up that damn video game if it's the last thing I do!."

My mind is racing with thoughts about what I need to get done before school starts.  My house is a disaster because I'm overwhelmed by all the toys and shoes laying around.  And if one more child undresses in the living room leaving a trail of socks and shirts and underpants down the hallway I just might jump out the window.

I'm losing control.  I cannot handle a life of chaos.  It's moments like these when I spend hours searching Expedia for cheap flights to Florida, or Vegas, or Spain.  Anywhere far away from here.  I crave a change of scenery.  I long for new adventure. 

I can't sit still. 

I can't focus.

I can't...


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