Time Flies When You're a Mom

The month of May has come to an end and it sure feels like 31 days have passed quickly. My sweet youngest child turned four this month. We planned to have his birthday party at a local park but rain and cold weather caused us to cancel those plans. However, this kiddo is so easy going it doesn't seem to bother him, yet he sometimes says he's still three because he hasn't had his birthday party yet.  I keep reminding him that he's four and we'll have his party very soon.  I love how little kids have no concept of time.

My Facebook memories keep showing me moments from the last few years and so many of them are of my baby.  Seeing pictures of him as an infant makes me realize (again) how fast my children grow up.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the baby days.  I miss that newborn smell and holding my babies in my arms.  It's bittersweet.  I can't wait to see what's in store for my boys as they grow into the men they are meant to become, but I want to hold them close to me forever at the same time.  This motherhood gig is a real mind bender sometimes.

Just the other day my littlest curled up next to me to cuddle and I held him close.  I told him I was never letting him grow up and that he had to stay little.

"Mama, I can't stay little.  My body just wants to grow.  I'm a big boy now! You see my muscles?" he asked while flexing his little arms.

This is the struggle with the last baby.  Watching him grow up is a series of "lasts" for me.  The last time I hold him.  The last time I pick him up and carry him.  The last time he calls me Mama and transitions into calling me Mom.

As moms we cherish all the "firsts" with each of our kids.  I picked up a photo album the other day and stared at those baby pictures. The first smile, the first steps, the first lost tooth.

It seems like only yesterday I was exhausted in a hospital bed holding a wailing newborn to my chest.  Yet, looking into the eyes of my younger self I see the terror in her eyes.  She waited so long to become a mother but she was terrified she couldn't do it.  How was she going to raise this baby and the two that came after him? It's difficult to believe a decade and a half has passed since I gave birth to my first child. I survived.  The kids are still alive.  They can't stay physically little, but they'll always be my little boys in my heart.


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