Missing My Pre-COVID Life

I am sitting at my kitchen table, trying to write all of our appointments and activities into my calendar.  That's when it hit me that August is pretty much over.  I despise how fast time flies.  It seems like the older I get the quicker life passes by.  Reading that last sentence is heartbreaking. I now understand what my parents went through at "middle age."  

I feel like I have depression.  COVID depression, to be honest.  But I'm not really depressed.  At least I don't think I am.  It was only last month I was at the baseball park with my kids and bumped into a friend who asked me how our summer was going.  I thought about her question and decided to just tell the truth:  this has been the easiest summer since having kids. 

I waxed poetic on how sad I was that every one of our summer events had been canceled, but yet I was relieved to have zero obligations to be anywhere or do anything.  I didn't spend half my nights in a car driving from one activity to another.  My day planner pages were mostly empty save for the occasional doodle or bullet list of things to get done around the house. 

The kids and I took long walks with the dog, rode bikes, played outside, and went hiking on nature trails. Frequent after-work beach trips were the highlight of our summer.  I don't remember a time I was this tan!

We've had fun family movie nights, dance parties in the living room (in our underpants no less), nobody gets dressed before almost 4 p.m. and this totally cuts down on the laundry.  Winning!

I know I'm supposed to say that COVID has ruined my routine, and it has, but maybe I've realized that slowing down, and not doing all of the things, isn't going to kill me. 

HOWEVER...

We are five months into this "new normal" and I'm starting to feel anxious again.  I went stir crazy after two weeks of working from home back in March, but I focused on staying busy and finding ways to fill my time.  I no longer have a routine.  It's a free-for-all at my house.  Kids rule the roost when I'm on video conferences. The boys are still hungry ALL THE TIME.  And now it's back-to-school season.  I need to get organized but I've lost all motivation.

I may start taking bets on whether I truly lose my mind at the six-month mark.  Pretty sure the odds are in your favor.  

I miss my life before coronavirus.  I do.  I really do.

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